Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Fried Chicken Cleaner

When will I learn not to open the door to strangers?

I absolutely HATE door-to-door salespeople. I don't know where these people get their training, but being overly enthusiastic about whatever piece of crap you are selling is NOT appealing to the customer! In fact it is really obnoxious and just makes me want to slam the door.

Too bad I can't just ignore them and pretend not to be home. As soon as the bell rings my dog is barking and my kids go running to the front door and press their little noses on the window to see who it is. Would it be horrible if I just let them stare as the stranger stands there awkwardly waiting for the "woman of the house" who will never come to answer? Would it be awkward if I joined them? Would he try to give me his spiel through the glass?

I had one of those annoying salesman come a few days ago, and boy was he psyched about his product! I would to if it was a big brown bottle of cleaner that tasted like fried chicken as he claimed his did. To prove his point he sprayed a few squirts on the palm of his hand and licked it clean off! Mmmm....very tempting....should I buy this $45 bottle of cleaner just so I can taste it? Um...no.

He cleaned the window by the door, he cleaned the wood floor by my feet. It's so versatile! Then to go even further to show what this miracle fried chicken cleaner can do he asked me for a pen because apparently he lost his a few houses back. He wanted to demonstrate how effective it is by writing on a cloth and using the cleaner to clean it! AMAZING! I had to see this!

I got him a pen Theo recently bought and after using it on the wash cloth he asked if he could keep it, then shoved it in his pocket before I could answer. I have to back up here a few clicks and tell you that pens in our house are very scarce. I know it sounds odd, but we don't have the ability to retain pens in our home. For some reason they just disappear. Weird.

After his demonstration he started to ask what my last name was so he could start filling out the order form before I committed to anything. I told him I wasn't interested and can I please have my pen back. He actually seemed offended that I asked for MY pen back. He was shocked and asked "You don't have any pens in your house?". I'm like, "Seriously, we have issues with keeping pens.". Then he asked if we have a permanent marker that he could have since his was lost, if you remember. I thought it was awkward that he was asking me to replace something that he was trying to basically steal from me. But I was trying to be friendly and found a couple of off brand permanent markers in the cabinet. I thought I was being nice by giving him 2 instead of just one, but when he looked at them he started studying them to make sure they were indeed permanent. For one thing, pens aren't permanent, which is the first writing utensil he used and now he's all particular that it HAS to be permanent? And second, considering he is basically asking for a handout he really isn't in the position to be picky.

After finally admitting defeat and realizing that I wasn't going to purchase his product, he asks if I can recommend any of my neighbors and if they are as "cool" as me. I thought, you mean will they listen to your song and dance (literally) and then generously give you two free pens....probably not. So good luck with that, and wish me luck with my "no-open door policy".


kara said...

You are much nicer than I am. I've had a few of those (though, not quite so colorful...but pretty enthusiastic) and I literally cut them off as they head into their spiel and say I'm not interested. As they start their 2nd attempt to convince me, I cut them off again and say, No, really, I'm not interested. Then I say, "Have a good day." And shut the door. I have no patience for door-to-door salespeople.

Annie said...

I think the same guy came to my house except he undid the top of the bottle and licked the spray nozzle. Gross. Then he got mad that I didn't buy anything and told me that I should be able to help him out since I lived in such a big house.

Britt Family said...

I hate, hate, hate door to door salesmen/women too. Grr...But I am such a sucker for a sob story they always get to me and I can't say no. I think I must be on the sucker list because I have an insane amount of salesmen come to my house. I bought the miracle cleaner, which is no better then shout or windex. Blahhh.....

Mills Family said...
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Mills Family said...

My boys answered the door to this VERY same guy! My boys got a kick out of his dance and his personality. He didn't eat the solution for us. Crazy. He did spray our window and showed how it wouldn't fog up and he also cleaned the grout in our floor. He also showed me all the neighbors who bought it. Who in their right mind would pay $40 for a bottle of cleaning solution? SO funny!

Andrea said...

This post is HILARIOUS!! You should have had him clean your entire house to prove that it cleans EVERYTHING! lol
You are nice. I NEVER open the door to any one I don't know any more. I don't care if they see or hear me (and we have had some persistent knockers). I can't believe he sprayed the cleaner and then licked it off his hand. YUCK...and I'm not so sure that I want to clean with anything that tastes like fried chicken...I mean I like fried chicken, but it doesn't resonate cleaning power to me. ha, ha! As for the pen situation. I can relate! We lose them too, and I would have told him, you can buy the pen from me. ha, ha! I laughed out loud as I read this entire post. Thanks for the laughs. :)