I haven't gotten a true opinion from a doctor, but I believe I suffer from The Grass is Greener on the Other Side syndrome. It seems that no matter where we live I find fault with that area, and then as soon as we transfer I see the positives and realize what a great place we just lived. But instead of learning from this it's a vicious circle, and sure enough, the next time we transfer somewhere I focus on the negative.
Like in Jacksonville, we lived 5 minutes from the beach. If we were bored we just got in the car and boom! we were there! I had a pretty good running route, but realize now that I could have easily been running on the beach everyday if I wanted. My friends and church family were awesome! I seriously miss them. But when we were there I think I focused on the negative that Theo and I were just starting out in the military which meant bottom of the barrel pay. I felt trapped, not because of where we lived, but because of our financial situation and I let that dictate how I felt about the place in general. Now being away for 6 years, I really miss what we had there and hope to get transferred there again soon.
When we lived in Novato, California I was so excited to get there and be that close to San Fransisco. I got me a sweet job working at the YMCA where they actually paid me to watch my own kids! I had an awesome running route and with the beautiful weather the outdoor activities where endless! Except for one. We weren't close to a beach, and when we did get to the beach the water was FREEZING and the water is too strong to get in. Again, my friends were awesome and my church family was more than I could have hoped for. But I missed my family back home, and the military housing we were made to live in, even though it was free, lacked the homey-ness that I longed for. It also didn't help that Theo was in a position that took him away for weeks at a time. He spent one Mother's Day in Hawaii without me and even spent one weekend in Guam. Once more I let my negative feelings overpower the wonderful opportunity we had by living in the bay area.
Now we are home in Alabama. We have a beautiful home, I live near family and have a great church family. And yet I am fantasizing of where we will go next. I don't have a good running route here and sometimes the family dynamic is really hard when living so close to one another. I miss the stores and grocery stores I've become accustomed to shopping, especially some of the healthier varieties. There are hardly any parks around here for my kids to play, and the beach although beautiful, is an all day affair since we live kind of far away.
But I know that once we transfer from here I will only see the positive and wish that I was back in my hometown. I hope that isn't the case and that my disease is curable before another transfer. I have to force myself to focus on the positive and live in the moment instead of desiring what is always over the fence! I do feel blessed to be here. My kids get to be near their grandparents and cousins, I have a great circle of friends with an awesome fun Bunco group. The school is literally right across the street. We have a beautiful home with a backyard all to ourselves. Seems like such a simple thing, but with 5 kids a dog and a cat this one is a doozey!
I think it fits into that positive thinking post I did a while back. That really opened my eyes as to my own personality and how I view where we live. I wish I could just take a pill for positiveness, but at least it is coming along slowly. I'm working on it and that's what matters most.
Happy 43rd Birthday Matt!
4 months ago